This is not going to be a funny post today. I'm not in a very humorous place at the moment. This process is really taking its toll on me. We started this cycle over 6 weeks ago....and I'm not even to the pregnant point yet. I have spent MANY years dealing with trying to conceive and nothing in those years has ever compared to the emotional, physical, psychological aspects of these last 6 weeks...and I may have another 9 months to go. What was I thinking?
Welcome to my pity party.
- I can't do anything strenuous and that's killing me on this georgeous weekend.
- We're broke so I can't go out and do anything to occupy my time. (don't get me started about my guilt over the iPad)
- My ankles are very swollen (not sure why) and I can't take anything for it.
- I don't really want to be around family or friends because I'm incredibly weepy and am afraid of crying at the drop of a hat.
- I'm eating for lack of anything better to do...even though I'm not really hungry.
- I'm beginning to hate my recliner...we've spent too much time together today.
This process has brought life to a standstill. There's no looking forward....at least not for another couple of weeks. It's not like I can start looking up baby names or nursery motifs. And it seems overly negative to plan an alcohol bender with friends the first weekend after this all ends. There's only waiting and holding my breath...praying for the best but also expecting the worst.
Before you dial 911, a suicide watch is not necessary. Just thought you might want a glimpse into the deep, dark recesses of my hormone riddled mind.
I wonder if Baskin Robbins delivers...
I can't even imagine how awful all this is for you. Dear God, I can only hope and pray there is a baby (or babies) at the end of this journey. In the meantime, what flavor ice cream do you like?
ReplyDeleteThe hormones/emotions you are feeling now mimic pregnancy...they are the same doubting, emotional, stressful, and all other emotions rolled into one. when you do get pregnant you'll feel the same way! So...with that in mind maybe you can preoccupy your mind into something craftful you can do since you'll be feeling this way the entire nine months you are pregnant. Then you'll feel guilty for the next 30 after he/she is born, so basically this is a stepping stone of motherhood...I know you didn't want to hear that but it's true. I only wish you happy pregnancy(ies). Eat your ice cream girlfriend and lots of it! Mother's need calcium for healthy bones and teeth! :) I hope your weekend gets better...Kelli
ReplyDeleteI hate to be the one to "seal the deal" but Kelly is right. This is an ongoing process and the only RX at this stage is...yep ICE CREAM..YEA! And ..you scream..I get you ICE CREAM!!! BUT ONLY FOR 9 MONTHS.
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