Profanity makes talking fun

Bed rest is done and it’s back to work. Maybe work will offer a bit of a distraction from this long wait until next Wednesday’s pregnancy test. It’s highly doubtful but I willing to grasp onto any prospect at this point. However, today didn’t go quite as I’d planned…imagine that.

I have one blood test left before next week’s pregnancy test. They need to test my progesterone level to make sure that I’m making my uterus the most inviting place possible for little squirts. We figured it was unnecessary for me to drive to Nashville just for a blood test, especially since I work at damn medical facility with a fully functioning lab. So I decided to have it done at work. After giving the lab the orders, I was waiting in the booth for the phlebotomist and, being nosy, inspected the orders. I noticed that it didn’t say that the results were needed STAT…which is typical for these tests so I can know quickly whether to adjust the dosage or not. I pointed this error out to the girl and (long story only slightly shortened) it turns out that our lab does not process progesterone tests in-house and sends them out….hence not coming back STAT. I melted down. WHAT? At this point, my natural sailor-like verbal skills kicked in and I’m pretty sure that I dropped several “shits”, a couple of “damns” and used the term “shitload”. I wasn’t angry at the lab….I was the one at fault for not checking on this and I was pissed at myself. I marched back to my office with the realization that I was going to have to hightail it to Nashville and PRAY that I get there in time for them to get the blood work processed today.

I immediately call Brandon to tell him what happened and got his voice mail. So I texted him and drove out of town like a bat out of hell. With every passing minute I get more pissed that Brandon has yet to call me back…so I texted again. I realize that me driving to Nashville was not necessarily a 911 call (yet) but what if it had been an emergency…like me stuck on the side of the road with a flat tire (wait, that comes later)? I should be able to reach my husband for goodness sake! I’d reached crisis intervention level at this point. So I called him, yet again….and he finally answered. Poor guy had to endure my wrath and he took it like a trooper…thankfully not a state trooper or he would have had me incarcerated immediately.

Thankfully I calmed down after unleashing on him and returned back to DEFCON 5 and the All Clear was called. But then my mind drifted back to the scene in the lab at work. What did I say to them? Was I rude? Did I say anything out of line? OMG, did I swear? Please tell me I didn’t drop an F bomb.

Side Note: I work in Human Resources and we have to be the most politically correct, straight-laced people in the building. It’s completely a façade for me at work because when I’m off the clock, I don’t really like people and spew more profanities than a rap song. But on the clock, I’m Ms. Congeniality.

Now I’m terrified that I’ve completely pissed off the entire lab staff. So I make a call to the supervisor to apologize for anything that I might have said….which thankfully was not that bad according to her. Whew, termination crisis averted.

I made it to Nashville without a hitch. Got blood work done in plenty of time (which turned out to be an appropriate level) and headed back to BG singing along to the radio. It was an unexpected drive but thankfully a beautiful day. I was possibly the calmest I’ve been in weeks on the drive back. Then, about ½ mile away from work, I got a flat tire…

I know what you’re thinking…this is where I must have decided to end it all. But surprisingly I handled it all in stride. Brandon came to my rescue (on the first call…quick learner) and we went to lunch after dropping off my car to have the tire replaced. The day ended much better than it started.

This hormonal rollercoaster is an amazing ride. Consistency gets chucked right out the window. Hard to believe that I’m not even officially knocked up yet. Can you imagine another 9 months of this? Pray for Brandon.

Welcome to my roller coaster ride...hang on tight.

So, let me start by telling you about my meltdown last night and this morning.


**Disclaimer - lots of gross girl stuff included...guys, continue reading at your own risk**


Went to the bathroom last night and noticed quite a bit of (sorry guys) cervical mucus when I wiped. Since I've been drier than the Sahara Desert for the last couple of weeks thanks to the Lupron, I was quite shocked to see the egg white like substance known to most women. To me, this is a sure sign that I'm about to ovulate....not a good thing! Since I'm pretty much on the verge of spawning more personalities than Sally Field in Sybil, I immediately assume that all has just gone totally wrong. I shouldn't be ovulating just yet...now they are going to cancel my cycle and then what? I don't want to repeat this process!! I completely spiral into my own internal hell. I'm now just sure that I've completely jinxed us by creating this blog and announcing to the world on Facebook (just yesterday) what we're doing. And now we're done, finished, forever childless. I'm amazed that I was actually able to sleep last night.

This morning was not much better. I was still convinced that they were going to cancel everything today...and better yet...I'd probably find out via a damn voice mail message because I'm forever aware that the ultrasound tech won't tell me squat! The ride to Nashville was tense...Brandon could tell I was internally spiraling out of control but was possibly a little afraid of me (or whatever dormant personality was soon going to awake). He just kept driving and offered the occasional "You OK?". To which I would hiss, "Fine".

We were way early to the clinic...like 45 minutes...but they took us back early (brownie points). The ultrasound tech was chipper and again had Brandon write down her findings (which still makes me nervous...seriously, the handwriting is BAD). She called out random numbers and I contemplated yelling "BINGO" at one point, but even I couldn't muster much outward humor. I was still convinced that all was lost with this cycle and that she was just moments away from giving me a "poor dear" look. But instead, when she was done, she said we were free to go unless we wanted to talk to our IVF nurse about anything. That option was new....she didn't offer that up 2 days ago and I felt like she'd been holding out. However, I was so dejected by my own assumptions that I said, "No, it's fine". Thank God for Brandon....out of nowhere I heard him speak up and say, "Um, YES, we'd like to see the nurse please." This man ALWAYS knows when to come to my rescue. If he hadn't been there, I would have just sulked all the way out of the office with no more answers than before and assuming everything was doomed.....effing hormones.

Jen, our IVF nurse, met us after the ultrasound and I explained my concern over the slime I discovered last night and that I was worried I was ovulating. She quickly put my fears to rest by saying that is the most common question she gets and that it is fine. It was just my body naturally reacting to my estrogen level rising...as it should. Whew! This girl is SO SWEET and reassuring in her mannerisms and demeanor that if I ever get a fatal disease, I want HER to break the news to me (and I thought only KK had that amazing ability to make people thank her for not hiring them!...this girl's running a very close second). We asked a few more questions about dates and such and she answered them all to our satisfaction. Again, Thank God Brandon was with me or this appointment would have ended QUITE differently...possibly with "We interrupt this broadcast to bring you breaking news from Nashville...".

So, it seems as though we are on track. Jen said that we have quite a few follicles and we just need a little more time for them to grow. After checking my voice mail this afternoon, I learned that my Estradiol level was 661 (I know what you're thinking....just a smidgen away) and I am to stay on the same medications and dosages until Monday. That's when we'll go back for another ultrasound. Looks like the egg retrieval will most likely be Wednesday next week but that's still up in the air.

Wow, I'm exhausted. This roller coaster ride should be closed to the public...it's not safe for anyone right now!

More on Monday...