A shot in the dark

This post is a little long as I wrote it over the course of a couple of days this week.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Well, we’re 2 weeks into the IVF cycle and so far all I’ve had to do is take a few oral medications and avoid alcohol and caffeine. Nothing really major…just a lot of waiting (and craving a large sweet tea from McDonald’s). But one of the things I’ve been dreading is finally upon me…injections. Back in January when we were at the IVF class, they taught us how to do the injections. I didn’t pay much attention because Brandon has been adamant that his contribution to all this (aside from his “boys”) will be giving me the injections…and it didn’t bother me any to say OK. But as luck would have it, he is out of town this week and won’t be here for my first injection. Yeah Me! So it’s all up to me.

Now I realize that most of you are probably thinking “You work in a medical facility, have them do it.” And that is actually an option and if my nerves get the better of me…I’ll head to work and have an RN help me. But I’m a big girl and I SHOULD be able to do this….but, damn, I’m nervous. The clinic’s website has a great instructional video demonstrating how to draw the medicine and give the shot. I know this because I’ve watched it this week more times than a 13 year old girl has seen the movie Twilight. Unfortunately, Lupron (the med) in NOT my Edward. I keep hoping that if I sit the vial on my belly that osmosis will take over and perform the Immaculate Injection. I know, it’s doubtful…. Mary was one lucky girl.

Someone who has been through IVF told me that once you get to the shot stage of the cycle, you’ll at least feel like you have some control over the process again. I hope she’s right. I feel like this is progressing at a snail’s pace. I’ll probably be regretting saying that in a couple of weeks when it starts to get crazy, but right now minutes seem like hours and days like weeks. But I have had a funny moment this week. One of the doctors at work is just finishing an IVF cycle. He and his wife have been very sweet with advice as this is the second time for them (and they were successful on their first try!). They have also been incredibly generous by passing on any extra meds that they had and saved me a little money. The other day I returned from lunch to find a gift bag on my desk with a note from the physician saying they had these leftovers and thought I might be able to use them. I sent them a thank note for my “gift” and let them know that nothing makes a girl feel more special than a bag full of syringes! I still can’t believe I have a “sharps” container in my house…

Thursday, March 11, 2010
I’m still obsessing over this first shot. I’ve watched the instructional video again tonight…ok, 5 times tonight. I’ve worked this thing up so much in my mind you’d think I was going to be performing my own abdominal surgery in the morning! It’s probably best that Brandon’s not here for this, my anxiety is making me pretty postal. It didn’t help matters any that when I called him tonight (since I hadn’t talked to him in over 24 hours) that he said, “Whatcha need?”. Seriously?? Oh, I don’t know, I figured you just MIGHT want to talk to your wife but if I’m interrupting…by all means I’ll leave you alone! Yep, I’m postal alright. Another bad thing is that I Googled “side effects of Lupron” tonight. FYI – Google is the devil…I NEVER should have done that. I’m now pretty sure that I will have EVERY side effect (such as moodiness, constipation, hot flashes, insomnia, dizziness, etc) within minutes of the first shot. Wonder if I’ll sleep any tonight…I’m ready to get this behind me.

Friday, March 12, 2010
The morning of truth! Slept surprisingly fine and got over my irritation with Brandon (lucky him). Got everything laid out and ready for surgery. Here’s how it went:

-Watched the video 2 more times…just to make sure that I didn’t miss anything from the 33 previous viewings.
-Wiped off the vial with alcohol swab.
-Feeling a bit OCD, decided to wipe off with another alcohol swab….just in case.
-Removed syringe from the wrapper and knocked sharps container off the counter in the process…scaring the shit out of the cats.
-Giggled a little bit and broke the tension.
-Inserted the syringe into the vial and drew up the appropriate amount.
-Laid the syringe on the counter and once again hoped for the Immaculate Injection…..but no such luck.
-Dialed the numbers 9 1 1 on my cell phone in case I feel faint and laid it on the counter.
-Searched for an acceptable spot to be the pin cushion on my belly.
-Cleaned the selected area with alcohol swab…ok, with 2.
-Counted to 10…..then 20…..then 50…..then JAB!
-Wondered what all the fuss was about…I’ve had mosquito bites worse than that.

I feel so accomplished! I truly believe that I handled that syringe with such expertise and finesse. I’m ready for my heroin addiction now.
Note: I'll be on these shots until my next appointment on March 22nd.

More later...