And then there were 3

This post is coming to you from my recliner....laid all the way back. So that means we had good news today and the transfer went as planned. We arrived for our appointment as instructed...with my bladder at capacity. This is not a very comfortable position to be in but I'm willing to do anything that will make this a success. I also had in hand my one Valium that was to be taken prior to the transfer. We were led back to the surgery center and did all the necessary prep for the procedure. I got to don a gown (not formal) and Brandon got to try out the newest look in medical wear. Since he was going to be in the room, he had to dress up like everyone else in scrubs, hat, mask and booties....it was quite a sight.


Then they told us to sit tight and things would get underway soon. That's when the wait began. They came in and checked on us several times, each time telling us that it would be a little while longer. When you embark on this journey, you feel like the only ones in the world that are going through it. But when they come to tell you that there is an egg retrieval and a transfer ahead of you, it kind of feels like they just told you that you're 7th in line for deicing and will take off soon. It really depersonalizes the process and you now just feel like cattle being herded through the center. But we made it through the wait without my bladder bursting, which required more control than I thought possible.

Finally the doctor came in and went over the procedure. Then the embryologist came in with the information that we've been waiting all weekend for. She informed us that we had 3 embryos that survived the weekend and the genetic testing. Two were looking great and were considered Grade A. The 3rd one was just a little slower to develop but was also looking pretty good and a Grade B. Her next question threw us both for a loop. She asked how many we wanted to transfer. I didn't think we really had an option and just assumed that they would do 2 based on my age. But she indicated that given my track record with pregnancies, she thought we might want to be more aggressive and put all 3 in. Obviously our risk is triplets. But the decision was up to us. If we opted to only do 2, then they would freeze the third for a later try.

It took us a few minutes to process this decision and after a short discussion, we decided to go for it with all three since the likelihood of Brandon putting up with me through this process again was next to none. Surely we won't have triplets. Seriously, you don't think we'll really have triplets do you? Needless to say....we're now a little freaked out.

After that decision was made we were off to do the transfer. It was an easy procedure with A LOT of protocol (which I really appreciate because I really don't want anyone else's kid in me). Brandon got to watch the whole procedure (on the ultrasound monitor....not from other angle) and they showed me the ultrasound picture when they were done. It showed a small little blip on the screen that was the 3 embryos moving in. I only hope that I made them feel welcome and that one (or 2) decides to stay awhile. It was an overwhelming moment that brought the tears flowing.

Now I'm banished to a reclined position for today and tomorrow. I wish it were raining, that might make it easier.


Here are pictures of our little "buns". The 2 that look like Circus Peanuts are our little Grade A Stars. The one that looks like a kindergartners drawing for the refrigerator is our Grade B slow pitcher. As hard as it may be, you can't think less of him. Bless his heart. Also, and gender reference I make is purely for writing purposes. We had the option of knowing the gender of these three but opted to be surprised at the ultrasound later on. (how's that for positive thinking?)

My 1st pregnancy test will be on April 21st.

More then...

Another day, another outlook

Let me start by thanking everyone for all the attempts to bring me back from the brink of darkness. I'm not going to down play it...yesterday was a BAD day. I really appreciated all the supportive responses to my pit party. I'm not sure what was different, but today I woke up in a much better mood....so this is what it's like to be manic. I might attribute the change in attitude to the documentary about Jonestown and Hoarders marathon that I watched last night....guess I realized I should stop whining...it could be much worse.

Tomorrow morning we go back to Nashville to see if any of the Sanspree 6 made it through, not only the weekend, but also the genetic testing. After the transfer, I'll be instructed to remain on bed rest tomorrow and Tuesday...that should be interesting. I'll keep everyone posted.

Yesterday was bad. Today was good. Here's hoping (and praying) tomorrow is even better.

More later...

Pity...party of one...your table is now available.

This is not going to be a funny post today. I'm not in a very humorous place at the moment. This process is really taking its toll on me. We started this cycle over 6 weeks ago....and I'm not even to the pregnant point yet. I have spent MANY years dealing with trying to conceive and nothing in those years has ever compared to the emotional, physical, psychological aspects of these last 6 weeks...and I may have another 9 months to go. What was I thinking?

Welcome to my pity party.

• I can't do anything strenuous and that's killing me on this georgeous weekend.
• We're broke so I can't go out and do anything to occupy my time. (don't get me started about my guilt over the iPad)
• My ankles are very swollen (not sure why) and I can't take anything for it.
• I don't really want to be around family or friends because I'm incredibly weepy and am afraid of crying at the drop of a hat.
• I'm eating for lack of anything better to do...even though I'm not really hungry.
• I'm beginning to hate my recliner...we've spent too much time together today.
  

This process has brought life to a standstill. There's no looking forward....at least not for another couple of weeks. It's not like I can start looking up baby names or nursery motifs. And it seems overly negative to plan an alcohol bender with friends the first weekend after this all ends. There's only waiting and holding my breath...praying for the best but also expecting the worst.

Before you dial 911, a suicide watch is not necessary. Just thought you might want a glimpse into the deep, dark recesses of my hormone riddled mind.

I wonder if Baskin Robbins delivers...

Vaguest Embryo Update Ever

For once, my being overly anxious has paid off. We were told to check our voice mail messages after 12:00 p.m. today for our last embryo update. So, of course, I planned my morning around dialing up the voice mail box every 30 minutes starting at 8:00 a.m. Sounded like a reasonable plan to me.

I lucked out at 9:00 a.m. and heard those precious words again, "You have one new message". I was just sure I was going to hear that all 6 embryos had divided their hearts out last night and were on the verge of becoming the next Nobel Peace Prize recipients. Unfortunately Shawn the Embryologist wasn't so specific. Here's what he said...

"Good morning Mr. and Mrs. Sanspree. My name is Shawn and I have an embryo update for you this morning. I just wanted to let you know that most of your embryos seem to be developing well...."

There was more after that about when our transfer is scheduled and that we'll get pictures of the embryos on Monday...blah, blah, blah. I knew all that stuff already. I just wanted to know more specifics about the Sanspree 6. Does "most seem to be developing well" mean that we're down to 5 or 4? Or does it mean that 1 is being an over achiever, 2 are headed for mediocrity and the other 3 will probably be slackers in life? Specifics PLEASE!! Is that so much to ask??

OK, I know what you're thinking...I should be more positive. This wasn't really bad news and I realize that. But remember who you're dealing with....definitely not Suzy Sunshine. So I guess I'll do my best by saying that at least they didn't tell me that they all crashed and burned last night. That's the most positivity I can muster at this point.

What's next? A long weekend of waiting and wondering. We won't get another update until we show up for the transfer procedure on Monday at 10:30. So until then, cross your fingers, toes and any other appendages you can manage. Then say a prayer, light a candle or handle some snakes...whatever religious preference you have...I'm not picky at this point.

More on Monday....or sooner if anything noteworthy happens to my psyche between now and then.

You have 1 new message...

It's weird that for the next several days, this process is out of our hands (and uterus) and in a petri dish. We will get a couple updates via voice mail message from the embryologist on the progress of our litter of embryos. So my day today was spent dialing up the voice mail box every 30 minutes (even though they told us they would leave messages at the same time each day) in hopes of hearing the mechanical female voice say those 5 little words, "you have one new message".

I finally got to hear those words around noon...WooHoo. But I was still nervous as I pressed "1" to play. The message was short and sweet. They simply said that of our 14 eggs retrieved, 11 were mature enough to be inseminated. Of those 11 inseminated, 6 fertilized. From what they told us, on average about half of the eggs inseminated end up fertilizing. So I guess were still riding the average....I'll take average.

We get one more message tomorrow with the progress of the Sanspree 6. I hope those little guys divide their cells like it's nobody's business tonight!

This is what they probably look like right now.

More tomorrow...

Rules, rules and more rules

Made it through the first Progesterone shot!! But not without a few words exchanged between me and Brandon (or is it Brandon and me, or Brandon and I....my grammar skills must have been tied to my follicles...that were all removed yesterday). Since Brandon ended up not giving me the first round of shots, I asked him if he felt ready to do it. Of course he said yes without any hesitation and with the normal cockiness of any guy. I wasn't convinced and asked if he wanted to watch the instructional video at least once since it's been months since our IVF class. He seemed offended that I even mentioned it. Whatever...

So when it came time for the shot, I stood there and watched him do everything wrong...at least to me it was wrong. Apparently he didn't think that alcohol wipes were necessary and had no idea what the gauze was for. I had to walk out of the kitchen at the point. Again, he seemed annoyed and offended that I didn't trust his abilities. And again I say, whatever...

I tried my best not to correct his preparation steps....hey, I said "TRIED". When he was ready, I turned my head and prepared for the worst stabbing of my life. But I have to say, it wasn't too bad. I think he was afraid to jab too hard, and by going a little slower, it hurt a little more but it really wasn't that bad. Even though he pretty much said screw it to the sterile protocol, I have to give him props for his effort. Now ask me how I feel about it in a week or so....when we've run out of virgin skin/muscle to stick.

Another thing I did last night was go over all of the rules and instructions that I was handed today for the next 2 weeks. My goodness, there are a lot of things I have to remember. For example:

• Progesterone shots once a day until instructed otherwise.
• Take steroid medication once a day for 4 days.
• Take antibiotic 4 times a day for 4 days.
• No lifting over 10 pounds.
• No exercising....leisure walking only. (damn, guess that Tae Bo class is going to have to wait...yeah right)
• No driving for 24 hours after retrieval.
• No alcohol.
• Don't kill husband.
• No caffeine.
• No sex (or the big O) until a negative pregnancy test or after 1st ultrasound.
• Don't kill any innocent bystanders (or at least have a good alibi).
• Check voice mail on day 1 and day 2 and day 6 after retrieval.
• Don't freak out if voice mail isn't ready promptly at noon like they said.
• Come to transfer appointment with a full bladder.
• Bed rest on the day of transfer and the day after.
• Resort to hooking on the nearest corner because all this time off work has destroyed your income.
  

This list seems endless. And with all the hormones coursing through my veins (very Incredible Hulk like) and the stress of the process, I can barely remember how to spell my last name let alone remember all of the above.

I'm still anxiously waiting for my voice mail message this afternoon to find out if any of our little ones fertilized. I'll let you know how it turns out tonight.

More later...

Easter Egg Hunt

Today was a day of reckoning for the IVF process. The egg retrieval is now complete. Everything we have gone through from the beginning has been solely for the purpose of this procedure. Every drug that I've injected has been preparing my body for today. It's not natural for your body to develop as many follicles as possible so that's why I've had to endure the side-effect hell that I've been in.

The egg retrieval went well this morning. Thanks to us staying in Nashville last night, we arrived right on time for our appointment. I was so relieved to find out that I would not be awake for the procedure which involved inserting a very long needle into my ovaries to remove the follicles. After all of the normal outpatient surgery prep (getting IV, donning gorgeous hospital gown and "party hat", etc.), I was wheeled into surgery and, thankfully, don't remember anything else...until I woke up with what felt like someone River Dancing on my abdomen. I woke up to more pain than I expected but the staff was gracious enough to accommodate me with some stellar drugs. (So if my post is a little scattered...you know I'm still "high")

Brandon got to do his "business" while I was in surgery. I'm sure there is a lot of pressure on guys to perform, but I still feel like he gets the better end of the deal.

An embryologist came in to let us know that they retrieved 14 eggs....apparently an average amount (I'm OK with average). They weren't able to tell us how many were actually mature, but let's think positive thoughts. After that we were able to leave.

So what's next?

It's now out of our hands (and my uterus). By now, I'm assuming that they have isolated Brandon's best "boys" and are introducing them to my "girls". We are having a process done called Intra Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI). This is where they inject the best sperm into the egg and gives them a better chance for fertilization. We won't get an update until tomorrow. They told me to call my voice mail after noon tomorrow and they will have an update letting us know how many eggs were fertilized.

My job at this point is to start making my uterus a more inviting and plush environment for any embryos that we will hopefully have. It would be nice if it was as simple as ordering some nice furniture from Pottery Barn....but no. I'll let you take a "stab" at what it is I need to do now. You guess it.....more injections. This round of shots, however, can not be done by me. These shots are of progesterone in oil and must be injected in the muscle (IM)....which means my hips and I can't bend that way to do the shots myself. So it's time for Brandon to step up to the plate.

Once again, I'm nervous as hell about these shots. Partly because I can't do them myself (and I've become a pro at it), partly because Brandon has not yet given any shots, and lastly because IM injections are given with a needle the length of a telephone pole. Just take a look at the difference in the needles from my previous injections...


So I'm sure you can understand my hesitation. But the nurses were nice enough to draw on my hips a bulls-eye with a Sharpie to help Brandon with picking the right location. It only provides me with a smidgen of comfort. I'll let you know how the first shot goes...if I survive.

More to come...